Who Needs Jaguars? Don't E-Cycle.

Let's face it, doing nothing is really easy. I think John Mulaney said it best in his stand up special New In Town: 
 Percentage wise, it is 100% easier not to do things than to do them, and so much fun not to do them!
Why walk the extra ten feet to the recycling bin when the trash can is right in front of you? It's not worth it. It's so much easier to drop that old MP3 player in the trash than trying to figure out how to post an ad on Craigslist. You wouldn't get much money for it, anyway. So, what's the point?

E-cycling is hard. You have to open up your laptop, get on the internet, and then Google where to find an e-cycling facility, all the while thinking about how you could be catching up on Game of Thrones or finishing that John Mulaney special.

Then, once you locate the nearest facility, you have to get up off the couch, find your keys, get in the car, and drive all the way there. Once you're there, you'll probably have to wait in some god-awful line and fill out paperwork and waste even more time. I mean, what's the point of e-cycling when you have to waste time, gas, money, and breath doing it?

Besides, there's tons of electronics and tons of materials to make them. And I'm sure there are millions, if not billions, of other people recycling them, so your old iPod really won't make a difference, anyway. In fact, you're probably doing the e-cycling facilities a favor by not recycling your old technology because they have so much technology to sort through and you don't want to add to that.

And it's not like one iPod is going to really affect the environment if you throw it away. If anything, bugs can make a home out of it. It's not like the materials in your iPod are non-renewable, right? Rare earth metals aren't really that rare, right?

So, don't e-cycle. Because when we run out of rare earth metals and have to stop making technology, we'll survive. They survived 100 years ago without cellphones, so we should be okay, too, right? It's not like we need televisions or microwaves. We could just Google how to start a fire. Actually, wait, we won't be able to Google. We'll have to go to the library and find a book. But you'll need directions to the library, so you'll have to MapQuest those.....

But maybe we won't run out of technology because there's already so much of it. You won't mind using an iPhone 4 because at least you'll still have one - as bulky as they are. Plus, it will be really cool to live in a world where there are less plants and animals because we've been wasteful. I mean, maybe we'll kill off all the big cats and then we won't have to worry about getting attacked by jaguars in the jungle. Actually, we won't have to worry about jungles at all, since we destroyed them when we depleted all our resources. No more jungles means no more jaguars means no more danger. We won't even need portable x-ray machines anymore because there will be no jaguars to break our arms and legs!

And what's the probability that one iPod in the trash is going to cause the end of rare earth metals, jaguars, and life as we know it? It's just one iPod. Other people will recycle their old tech, right?

So, don't e-cycle. Surely, you're one in a million. Leave e-cycling to the rest of the world. What's the worst that could happen?



Comments

Popular Posts